My dear little Hookie is dying. She has had a wonderful life and we’ve had the grace to share that together. 15 years together. She’s weakening, rarely if ever eating or drinking and getting a little wobbly on her 3 legs. It’s quite sad yet beautiful at the same time. What feels very true is that we’ve actually lived the love that is there between us. The purity and acceptance of that that love is something that touches me deeply. It’s nice to know that that is possible. I think that that is the sweet part – knowing the love is real and expressed and lived. We (I) spend too much of our lives positioning ourselves in relation to those we love, allowing conditionality to seep in around the edges, at the corners and in the cracks. Can you think of any person you love completely unconditionally? Completely? I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, because I know that it does happen. And I’m not talking about moments of clear, true and unwaivering love. I have flashes like that all the time in my life. But does it really last through(and during) all the interactions and disappointments?
So my dear Hookie is leaving this earth. I’m not sure when yet but I think fairly soon. I was gone for a few days and then Czarina came up with me to see and say goodbye to Hookie and when we arrived last night, Hookie perked up and actually ate some tuna (her favorite) and drank some water. I’ve been talking with Hookie and giving her permission to leave, because a psychic friend who stayed with Hookie over the weekend said that is what Hookie was needing. My intuition this morning is telling me that Hookie is not quite ready to let go and is trying to pull it together to have more “connection” time. Depsite all my words of encouragement to her to let go, she may well be sensing that I am not really ready. That’s the truth. I’m trying, and doing my best to let grief have it’s place, but there is a catch somewhere inside me that wants her to get better and stay here longer. I do know that I don’t want her to suffer, and if/when she gets to that point, I will have her euthanized, but for now she’s here and I’m doing my best to let her go. Be free little lover. My little sweetheart.